I fear oblivion

"What do you fear?"

If there would come a time when someones finally ask me that question, i would just stand still at where i am standing and let the words that leave my mouth do the work. I would just say

    "I fear oblivion"

No, i'd answer that not because i read The Fault In Our Stars, well lets just say its not completely wrong though, the book does give me some kind of weird effect. After i read that book, i even started to question myself. What do i fear the most? And I think that Oblivion is by far the truest answer i could ever think of. I mean, who doesn't fear oblivion? We can't run from the fact that someday our time will come. Someday each and everyone of us will leave this world that we love so much. Someday we will leave our family, friends, and loved ones behind. Doesn't that make you scared of oblivion? I do. Who am i kidding? I'm afraid what if at some point of life people will forget about me. Forget if i ever existed in this world. I ain't no Einstein that people keep talking about because he made such a history himself. I ain't no Barack Obama who can lead so many people and stay humble. I ain't no Beyonce who has such a voice that can make the whole world sing together with her. But what can i do? Oblivion is inevitable.

 But i have to admit it to myself that oblivion motivate me to at least try to leave a mark in this world, a mark that would make people at least wondering who am i. It motivates me in a way that anything else couldn't. It motivates me to do more and be more in this life. So that eventually someday, when my time is arrive, i can leave a mark for people to remember me. Until then, i am just going to work on it and at least leave a mark in my friends and family's heart. And eventually be 

S O M E O N E 

xx

a

Twenty Fourteen

WADDUP NIGGAS!

HAPPY FREAKING NEW YEAR 2014 PEOPLE!

(nobody even gonna read this shit anyway)

 

I cant believe its 2014 already. Time flies so fast, i know im barely posting stuff here. but anyway nobody even give a shit about this blog so why bother to post everyday.

hA

well...actually there's something that bothering my mind lately. Here's the thing, next Sunday ill be on my exam week. Yes i know it'll start soon! way too soon i guess. And these days my parents keep on reminding me to keep on studying and blah blah blah. you know just some usual stuff that parents would usually say. but then like a couple of days ago, my mom and dad just decided to give me a car! YAAAY IM SO FUCKIN EXCITED until things went down. my mom said "well if you wanna get a car then you have to get A+ in all subjects."

yep

my mom just fucking said it.

it hits me like a ton of bricks.

my jaw literally just dropped

i mean not that i mean i dont want to make them happy. its just both of my parents have so much faith in me which is good, but i just dont want them to set their hopes too high. im just scared that i will let them down. i know my own capabilities. and i freaking know that its so fucking hard to get A+. im not being such a drama queen here, but you really gotta see what my friends are like. they all are like a monster in class esp. the boys. its nearly impossible to beat their ass off in class. idk though im not the smartest student in class. but maybe my parents are get used to Me who always got the 1st rank at high school, to ME who always spend time to study. and im really scared to let them down. :(

i dont wanna let them down

i love them

but if things keep going this way what am i supposed to do then? 

but i will keep try to give all my best for them bc i wouldnt be here w/o their support and i really wish that someday i could give back everything that they gave to me. 

xx

a.

WHATS UPP PEOPLE??

Yo people! whats up? Udah lama banget nih nggak blogging dan check out blog ini. Sibuk kuliah nih ceritanya. but i mean seriously though, bc last time i checked terakhir kali aku nulis di blog ini tuh waktu aku masih SMA loh. and that was long ago. sekarang nggak kerasa banget kalo waktu udah bergulir begitu cepat. sekarang aku udah mengijakkan kaki di Universitas impian tercinta aku... Universitas Gadjah Mada.

Universitas Kerakyatan.

 

Yep, if youre wondering....

     'OMG! HOW IN THE FREAKING HELL YOU COULD GET INTO GMU?!?!'

     'HOW DO U FEEL AFTER YOU GET INTO GMU?'

     'WHAT?'

     'CONGRATIZJAGDKFAJDFANVKAJFAS'

well 'IM P R O U D and IM GRATEFUL' itu satu kalimat yang menurut aku bisa sum up semua perasaan aku setelah pengumuman SNMPTN di post di website ugm. aku sendiri bener-bener nggak nyangka banget. jadi ceritanya nih ya, aku daftar UGM di jurusan Teknologi Informasi. Despite all the negative comment from the people out there who keep on telling "masuk teknik susah loh" "saingannya berat banget loh di Teknik" "disana rata-rata cowok loh" "cewe itu minoritas" and all those shitty comment yang sama sekali ngga ngedukung keputusan aku. i just let it flow dan aku tetep ngebuletin tekad aku buat daftar di jurusan Teknologi Informasi UGM. berhari- hari nungguin pengumuan. perasaan semakin lama semakin cemas. semakin lama semakin galau. dan selalu aja timbul pertanyaan yang berbau negatif kayak 

"gimana nih kalo ga masuk UGM?"

"salah sendiri kemarin milih TI UGM, udah dibilangin susah"

"yaudah kalo ga masuk ikhlasin aja"

"kalok ngga UGM ya UNIBRAW masuk dehh"

and a bunch of those negative thinking always popped up in my mind during the days to the announcement.

D-day:

Senin

27 Mei 2013

15.30 WIB

Aku       : "Duh, bentar lagi ini.. 30 menit lagi.. aku harus apa..!" (mondar-mandir kamar)

Adik      : "Mbak, mondar mandir aja dari tadi!"

Aku:      : "Duh ras, doain aku yo, semoga UGM jebooool!"

Adik      : "Iya, udah pasti jebol."

Aku       : (remes-remes tangan, mondar- mandir kamar - ruang TV, liatin jam bolak balik)

15.59

Adik      : "MBAAK UDAH JAM EMPATTT! SANA BUKA! ATO MAU AKU BUKAIN LINK POST NYAAA??"

Aku          : "AHHH NTAR AJA NTARRR TUNGGU AGAK NTARAN AJAA!"

Adik        : "halah! kan uda di post juga hasilnya, sama aja! sini aku bukain!" (sambil rebutan iPad)

Aku         : "YAUDA SIH PENGUMUMAN JUGA BUAT GUE, KENAPA LO YANG SEWOT SIH ELAH"

...............

..............

Aku         : "MASYAALLAH!!! YAALLAH!! INI BENERAN.." (LOMPAT-LOMPAT DI ATAS KASUR, MELUK ADIK, SUJUD SYUKUR, NANGIS)

Adik         : "ihh paansi peluk-peluk!!!"

Aku          : -SPEECHLESS-

jadi itu  cuplikan detik-detik yang paling menegangkan dalam hidup aku. nunggu pengumuman. apalagi kalo di php-in ama kabar burung yang ngga jelas dan beredar luas di twitter. i dont even know what else to say to Allah. syukur yang sebesar-besarnya lah karena salah satu impianku udah terwujud. now if theres people out there who said to you "youre dream's too big", then all you need too do is just go grab a lemonade, throw it to them and said "YOUR SOUR MOUTH'S TOO BIG" 

sori itu advice barusan random abis.

sori.

gue ga se-random itu kok.

he

h e

dan semenjak pengumuman UGM itu, my life's changed. and im grateful for the changes.

thank God. 

#AllahIsGood

Step back

Guys, im sorry for staying away from y'all. I didnt mean to push everyone away from me. It just...it much easier that way. I know, the thing that i do right now isnt good for me, but at the moment i just wanted to step back from every single thing that happen in my life, and reevaluate my self. I need to. Its my right. i thought u guys could understand but i guess i was wrong. U cant. Im sorry for disappearing for a while. I need a little time for mu self. Thinking about what im gonna do next. Thinking about my future. What im gonna do. What im gonna be. Thats it.

Missing them

Holy molly! I dont practically know.. In the past couple of days ive been missing my old friends back in Jambi. Its been ages i havent meet them. I feel like i really wanted to fly my self to Jambi and meet up with them. I know peoples might change a bit. But one thing for sure, theyd still the same person that i knew a few years back 😚😭<3
So heres a little sneakpeek of who they are...

IM CRAAAYYYIIING
SHES ALREADY GONE NOW...
I HVENT EVEN MEET HER FOR THE LAST TIME... THIS IS RIDICULOUS.. NO ONE EVEN TOLD ME THIS...

That damn thing i always think.

People always say "just be your self" THAT easy. I mean sometimes i wonder..., do they really ever be in the position where its really hard to be your self, cuz we always think:
'What if being your self isnt good enough for u to fit in?'
'What if for being your self makes u being the unwanted person?'
'What if being your self isnt good enough for the society?'

And many ppl also say
"Why the hell u even care about what the society think about you? As long as you happy, just enjoy ur damn life! U dont have to care about what other ppl think about u"

But if some ppl questioning me these kinda question like:
'Do i care about what the society think about me?'
The answer is deffo a BIG YES.

We're human, we take ppl's advices, comments, and suggestions.
Can you even imagine, the time when youre feeling lonely but the next second you realize that youve no one to rely on bcuz u cant fit in to the society?? Bcuz u dont take ppl advices.?!??

The bottom line is
I always get too insecure about the things that other ppl told me. Maybe on the outside i may seem like i dont give any fuck with it, but on the inside i always over thinking about what other ppl think about me, which is not a good deal.
Here's the thing >>
How can u move forward if those bad comments from ppl always holding u up from running forward to reach ur fuckin dream?!?

I dunno what to do with this.
Help.